What would be the best way to determine the impact strength of the collision?
In isolation, the best way would be to look at a contact's normal force. It can be found by enumerating over a pair's contact collection. Of course, that requires that the solver run first, which would change the velocity of objects. I'll assume that won't work for what you're trying to do.
For sparse simulations, using velocity would be a good approximation. The velocity of a contact combined with the distribution of mass in the pair determines the required contact impulse. However, this approximation would fail if there's a complex interaction, e.g. a stack of objects with low velocity, but due to gravity, the involved forces are very high.
Using penetration depth runs into problems when ignored objects suddenly become deep enough to trigger collision response, despite still having a low velocity. This may be desired, but I suspect it would look a little weird.
Off the top of my head, the velocity-based approximation will probably be the best route short of calculating the forces independently of the simulation.